Sunlight Knight, Moonlight King
by Teddiii
Summary: "Their sunshine knight, and moonlight king had deserted the court and now the maids and butlers were left wondering why they were still here too." Tessa and Will are left wanting after the death of their beloved friend and lover, James 'Jem' Carstairs. But at least he went out on his own terms, and not someone (or something) else's. Will is angry, Tessa; just plain heartbroken.
1. Will

**Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort**

**Word Count: 473**

**Rating: K+**

**A/N: Just a little fanfic I've decided to work on. Can't say that its amazingly fantastic but I did enjoy writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. It's set just after Clockwork Prince- Jem is already dead. **

Three months after James Carstairs death, Will Herondale was becoming more secretive and absent than ever. Understandably of course, considering Jem was the only person Will had allowed to love him, and be loved in return. It was not something easily forgettable, but the life of a Shadowhunter is never fully known until their last dying moments on earth. Will had thought of the irony of Jem's death; a disease riddling his body from the inside out, and yet he died a hero of battle protecting the London Institute- his final home.

Will hated it.

He was alone. So alone.

He hated that he was meant to be strong and to move on from Jem as fast as possible. But he couldn't. He hated that Jem had left them all in a heaping mess of... grief. That's what it was called right? Grief. And Will couldn't get over it; he wouldn't get over it. He needed Jem; needed him to tell him what he was doing right or wrong; needed him to show off too; he needed someone who would not rise to his sarcastic and snarky remarks; someone who would protect him and love him; he needed someone who would always have his back. But his parabatai was gone now, Jem had thrown himself in front of that knife because he knew he was going to die soon anyway, and he'd rather die on his own terms than anything else's.

Will was furious that he had thrown himself in front of that knife for Tessa, _Tessa; _it was Tessa's fault Jem was gone! Because she was in the wrong place and because she had to be so damn irresistible! Because she had to fall in love with James and then spend every moment she thought she was alone crying. Tessa, who didn't cry, spending every waking moment, and Will swore some sleeping ones too, bawling her eyes out.

It was Jem's fault for leaving them empty and wanting. It was Tessa's fault for making Jem fall head over heels in love and then trip and then smack his face into the pavement until his nose bled; because he loved her that much.

It was Will's fault for not backing him up like he was meant too.

And why did he think about all this? Because every night Charlotte would walk past his room, heavily pregnant, and hear Will crying when no one else had. That was just it, he was falling apart. He spent all his days in the training room trying to drown his memories and pain in blood, sweat, and tears. And then when that didn't work, he'd come home late into the night covered in demon ichor and smelling heavily of burning Gear.

But this was Will now, this is what he'd become at the loss of his parabatai.


	2. Tessa

**Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort**

**Word Count: 255**

**Rating: K+**

**A/N: I think Tessa would be more lost than Will when jem dies, because she's so far from her original home with nothing, and now what feels like no one. First love always hits the hardest and I think in the months they had together, Tessa would have learned to love Jem properly, and move on from Will. I'm a total Jessa supporter :D**

**Anyway, ENJOY!**

Tessa was lost and she wanted to stay lost in the hope of never finding herself again. If she did, she'd find that Jem had really left her. He'd really thrown himself into that knife protecting her, and while it had been brave and valiant, it had cost him his life. And Tessa was not worth that.

She was worried, she had promise Jem as he lay dying in her arms, to look after herself and Will, and she had wholeheartedly promised as the tears pours in torrents down her face.

But Will was becoming impossible. In fact, looking after herself was becoming impossible. She had taken to writing letters to Nathaniel again, even though he was an evil prick. He was the first and only brother she had ever had, and she missed those moments before she had come to London. But now here she was, given a broken heart and left without a husband; without Jem.

The crying was unceasing, every moment she was alone seemed like one she could be with Jem, she could hear his violin whispering to her through the hallways, feel the wind caressing her arms and face like they were his fingers. She wanted him so badly it ached permanently.

There was a cloud that had settled over the London Institute; one that even the Enclave noticed when they visited. Their sunshine knight, and moonlight king had deserted the court and now the maids and butlers were left wondering why they were still here too.

Tessa wanted out.


	3. She Thinks He Can, He Knows She Can't

**Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort**

**Word Count: 906**

**Rating: K+**

**A/N: And we have finally come to the end of my very first angst fic. Will someone be amazing and tell me where I can improve, because by the end I swear this was/is just fluff. Enlighten me on where to improve? PLEASE?! Cass Clare owns these amazing characters, but I can dream right? Enjoy the end of the story!**

Skipping breakfast had been on his mind; it wasn't like he'd been eating all that much recently anyway, but with all the training planned for the day, doing a quick and late dash through the dining room before Sophie cleaned up was the best he could do.

It was quite, as he sat there absently stuffing his face. At least, it was quiet until Tessa entered. The doors creaked open, and she walked in looking pale and set. There were tears tracks on her face, and red marks around her eyes. She looked as though she had put no effort into her appearance what so ever; just kind of rolled out of bed as it were. She seated herself across from Will and proceeded to eat a bowl of porridge without so much as looking at him.

And it made him furious. His first encounter with the girl in days, and she pretends he doesn't exist? He hoped that there was someone suffering just as he did and he knew that Tessa was! Being angry was all that was left in the end, because if he wasn't angry, he was sad. And if he was sad, he was heartbroken.

"Enjoying your porridge there Tessa?" he asked quietly, take a swig of tea from his cup and looking directly at her, daring her to glance up. She didn't. Instead she shook her head a little, surprising him. He thought she would lie.

"Was that a no?" he asked her, wanting... no, _needing_ to hear her voice. Sassy, mouthy Tessa either would not, or simply could not speak.

She nodded into her porridge. Will studied her for a moment. There was something different in her grief. Something that had altered her as it had him.

"Tessa?" he reached forward and laid a hand on her arm. She flinched but did not move. Instead, Will felt her shaking. She looked up at him then, and she really was crying. Tears pouring in hot torrents down her cheeks.

"Oh Tessa," he sighed.

"I can't..." she gasped out, her voice shaking with her words, "I can't live without him. You, Will, you are getting better. As the days go on you are slowly letting go because you know that this is what you have to do. You have a purpose and that is to protect the world from demons," she took a great shuddering breath before continuing, the tears still falling, "My purpose was Jem, he was the only reason I got up in the morning. And now he's gone. He's left me."

Will looked at her blankly for a moment, completely at a loss of what to say for the first time in his demon riddled life.

"I can't, I don't want to..." she seemed to fold in on herself then. Folding her arms into the table, she rested her head and began to sob none too quietly.

He had no idea how to approach the situation, crying women weren't something he handled all that often. And what had she meant by the fact he was getting better? Jem was still gone, and there was still a massive gaping hole in his chest where his brother had once resided. It wasn't getting any smaller, and any less painful. Maybe it was because he was getting used to it now; the pain, the way his chest ached and throbbed at random moments of the day and then he'd remember how it was Jem making him feel like this. And he'd become angry again at Jem, at Tessa, at the Enclave, and Charlotte, and Henry, and Jessamine, and Sophie. He'd be so angry, that he'd have to turn around and go back to the training room, and then that wasn't enough; he'd recklessly go and take on every demon he could find by himself. No backup.

Because then if he died, he'd be away from it all; all the pain, and sadness, and sorrow.

"Will," she choked, looking up at him through tear-stained eyelashes, "He told me to look after you, and to look after myself."

"Well," he said, trying to be as gentle as possible, "I don't need looking after Tess."

"But I do!" she wailed, "I can't do this anymore!" she stood from her seat and streaked out of the room. Will stood there shocked for a moment before following after her. He knew all her hiding places, and had been avoiding them for days, but he found her in the first place he looked.

The attic.

"Oh Tess," he mumbled at the obviously pain riddled girl, and that's really all she was, a girl, before taking a graceful seat beside her on the floor and wrapping his arms around her, drawing his slight frame towards him. She didn't resist.

"Make it stop," she muttered, "make the pain stop Will."

He shook his head and the pitiful site in his arms, and rubbed soothing circles into her back, but her crying was relentless and stubborn. It was like she couldn't stop.

They stayed like that for hours, or possibly days. It didn't matter. Because whatever she was feeling gave him the courage to feel it to. And it didn't matter that she couldn't stop, because he couldn't either.

That was it, all there was. There was no bringing him back. And no stopping the grief. They would learn to live with it eventually, but for now they weren't. And that was fine too.


End file.
